Sister...........

As I was doing my blog browsing in one of my favorites http://visualvamp.blogspot.com/ this picture by artist Harouni captured my attention, it reminds me of someone..........got it, my sister! Liz is a Christmas baby & as great a sister as I could have ever picked out for myself. I remember our mother telling us not to fight or argue because we were sisters, my answer was 'es por eso que peleamos, si no fueramos hermanas no pelearamos'. I love my sister dearly, she has been & continues to be a blessing in my life.

I have always admired her & think it's great that the older we get the more alike we seem......

Remembering the altars..........

God's grace is sufficient for this day.......

I am in a very content place in my life. However, 17 years past my life was in a dark phase & only God's grace & mercy sustained me. I learned that God's word is true in all phases of my life, in the valleys to the mountain tops. God's sense of humor with me made me laugh & just reminiscing about it - it still makes me laugh. He would only allow me very short times for self-pity parties, then He would gently nudge me to get over it & get on with the life before me. God placed friends & their children in my life to help me get out of my 'darkness'. Yes, I remember the hurt, loneliness & questions about my future.....but then I would hear God's voice gently telling me "I am the God of yesterday, today & tomorrow - trust me to guide your life one day at a time, for my grace is sufficient for this day". God would bring to mind how He had been faithful to me in the past & how He could continue to be there for me if I would let go & let Him take control. I give praises to God for the tender mercies that He showed me then & continues to this day.

Eleven Years Ago.....

Eleven years, 8 hours, 20 minutes have passed since I was blessed & given entry into motherhood......mentally I was not prepared, perhaps that's why God decided to surprise me! At 29 weeks, Lorenzo came into this world weighing 3lbs, 18" long, easiest birth ever I'm told. God had everything under control, the neonatologist was on his way back to Phoenix after his once a week full shift (he received the call to return while he was still in the parking lot), the doctor was able to examine Lorenzo & pronounce him healthy. Lorenzo did need assistance breathing, learning how to eat & reminding him to breathe. We were not able to hold him until his 3rd day, by the end of the week his weight had dropped to 2.5lbs (which was expected due to his burning more calories breathing than the amount he was ingesting). Lorenzo stayed in the NICU unit for 5-6 weeks, during that time I learned so much about trusting God & trusting myself as a mother. The nurses where a blessing to me, showing me why & what they were doing for Lorenzo's well being, showing me how to take care of a preemie '2 steps forward, 1 step back' with his progress was normal, giving me books to read, showing me pictures of other babies born under the same circumstances & how healthy they had grown. Meanwhile my tiny baby was learning to breathe, eat & poop.....the joys of motherhood!

I was blessed with a team of professionals to instruct me in his physical needs, a wonderful group of friends to help me in the emotional & spiritual field and a husband that kept me grounded in all areas. Chris's stability help me many a time when I wanted to flip, his reassurance that I would be a good mom, his love, support & no nonsense attitude when needed gave me the confidence that at 35 years old, I could be a good mom.

Looking back the time has gone quickly, and oh boy has the Lord seen fit to let me see myself for who I am.......woooohooo! To this day the lessons continue......... & perhaps the next blog will be about one of the many lessons.

Public School - New Phase

Our family is entering a new phase.......public school! or rather a charter school - but nonetheless it will be out of our 'control' sort of speak.

It has been decided that Lorenzo will attend a charter school for the next year or two (depending on how it goes) & I am in the throes of apprehension. This area will definitely become a challenge for me - for the last 4 years I have peacefully left my home every morning, knowing that my son is in good hands - his father has taught him & together they both have learned so much more than book knowledge. Now, just thinking about him going to school my stomach gets knotty - although I know God is in control & I definitely know that the experience will be good for my son - I do so want to protect him from any hurts & dissapointments. I must soldier forward, as my son so often tells me 'I am not a little boy - do not put me in a 'box' because of my age' & that my friends is a whole another blog.

I personally will grow in God, the anxiety that most moms experience in the first day of school, I've had the priviledge to delay for 5 years & now my time has come to face the music........

Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom of discernment when problems arise in school - help me to be vigilant in all areas concerning my son's physical & spiritual being. Jesus, give Lorenzo wisdom, grace & favor in his new environment - definitely I pray for his teachers, for greater understanding of all students, for insight on how to deal with class problems, for inspiration in their class lessons - I thank you God for the priviledge of this experience, I trust in You Lord - 'for all things work for the good of those that believe/trust in You' I believe that your wisdom/grace/mercy will continue to abide in the midst of my family.

One year has passed!

Oh my Lord! One year has passed since I decided to start a blog & then I lost it! the blog that is.....so much for my blogging career.
God has moved so much this last year in all areas of my life. Where to start.....I believe one of the biggest areas that God touched me in was once again in the 'unbelievable selfishness' of my life. Having written that, I want to clarify that it is not said in condemnation but in the gracious conviction that God has shown in my life. God continues to show such mercy & grace and in His loving dealings with me, my eyes have been opened just a smidgen enough for me to deal with this following subject.............I do not want to die.
I am not afraid of dieing - I am confident & secured in my relationship with my Saviour Jesus Christ, yet I don't want to die. I know that when my times comes to be with Jesus, He will take good care of my husband & son, of the rest of my family (I know this, because I have experienced His loving peace under those circumnstances). Yet, I don't want to die...... I want to be here to share life with my family, my family needs me! My family can live without me but my family needs me & I need my family. It is selfish of me to not take care of my health so that I can have a fulfilling/high quality life with my family. It is selfish of me to want to be with Jesus Christ before my time. It is my desire to be with Jesus.....but in His time & it is my duty to take care of my health so that my life here can be lived to the extent that God has for me.
That revelation was the greatest revelation of the past 12 months - and I am on my way to better health, walking, taking my medication & making wise choices.